Counting Blessings

The past week has been another roller coaster similar to the one we faced last January, though I would dare say this was about 10 times worse. While I definitely don't want to re-live it, it was such a strengthening experience for me that I thought I should share it - probably more for my sake than anybody else's.

Last weekend, we went up and visited Greg's parents. We stayed overnight on Saturday night and went to Church with them Sunday morning. Sheila (Greg's mom) had finished up a round of chemotherapy that morning and seemed to be feeling great - she came to Church and even taught a YW lesson. Shortly after we got home from Church though, she started to feel really tired and feverish, so she went and got in bed. We didn't think much of it - I think most of us just thought she was overly tired and that maybe it was a side effect of the chemo. Well, a few hours later, she was only feeling worse and when Alan (Greg's dad) tried to help her out of bed, she collapsed on the floor. Greg's brother Jeff (who is a doctor) had come over at this point and said that they needed to take her to the Emergency Room, so all the guys rushed her over to the hospital. When they got there, both Jeff and another doctor were sure she had an infection, but felt like they couldn't handle it at the Rupert hospital, so they transported her by ambulance to Pocatello. As Greg and I headed home that night, we were definitely concerned about his mom, but where she had had a staph infection back in the winter and the doctors were able to take care of that just fine, we weren't overly worried.

We went about our day on Monday as normal, not hearing much about Sheila, so we figured everything was okay. Greg went to work in the garage that night and I was about to put the boys down to bed when Greg saw that he had 3 missed calls from Jeff, all in a span of 15 minutes. That is rare, so Greg hurried and called him back. Jeff told Greg that his mom wasn't doing well - they had done almost every test possible on her and couldn't find where the infection was. And by this point, it was starting to take over all of her vital organs. He thought we needed to come up because he wasn't sure if she would make it - she might, but he just didn't know. This was really rough to hear where we weren't prepared for it at all - we just naively believed that whatever the infection was, the hospital could cure it just like they did last time. So we rushed up to Pocatello, getting there at 11:30 PM, and ran in to see her. While we had been driving, they had done a CT scan and fortunately, had found the infection - it was huge and located in her back - but they still were extremely worried about her. They didn't know if body her body was strong enough to fight the infection at that point. Seeing her that night was definitely a sore sight because she looked nothing like herself - it was so bizarre that just 36 hours earlier, she had been up and about, acting completely like herself, and now she was completely down and out in a hospital bed, swollen from retaining fluids and having such a hard time breathing. We sat with her for a bit and talked to her. Frankly, I was amazed at her optimism and strength. She told us that Alan had given her a blessing saying she would recover, so that must mean she would be fine. We left that night worried, just hoping that things would be okay.

The next morning we headed over to see her and at this point, they had her on a breathing machine so she couldn't talk. She looked so miserable and I just felt so badly for her. The doctors said she was slightly improved from the night before and they felt if she could make it through the next two days, she would be able to pull through. We headed home that night because Greg had to get back to work, but his brothers were really great about calling us and keeping us updated. As the days went on, she progressively got better and was able to go off a lot of her medications. We went up on Saturday night to visit and saw a totally different person. Granted, she still doesn't look quite like herself and it still makes me so sad to think of all that she's been through, but it was so nice to see her off that horrible breathing machine and see her blood pressure normal again.

We stayed late that night talking to Greg's brother Mike, and he told us that things were definitely a lot more grave earlier that week than even we had realized. On Monday night, the doctor gave her no chance of making it through the night, and Jeff gave her a 10% chance. Based on what Jeff had said, we thought the odds were more 50/50, but apparently they weren't. As I think back to that night, with death right there on the doorstep, I am amazed at Sheila's strength and the miracle that happened. Medically, she should have died, but miraculously, she pulled through and I'm just so grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing her in that way. I've really been struggling with my testimony lately and I can't pinpoint one exact reason why, but it's definitely been a struggle to say my prayers, read my scriptures, go to church, and even do my calling. I have just had no desire to do any of it, and have really been losing faith in the gospel. Even Monday night when Sheila was so optimistic and had so much faith, I sat there and questioned her strength. I didn't have the faith to know that Heavenly Father would heal her. Now, as I look back at the last week, I feel like my strength in the gospel has really been restored, especially after hearing what a miracle it was that she survived. It definitely showed me that Heavenly Father loves and cares for each of us, and just because life isn't always great sometimes and we feel like the Lord doesn't care, he does. I'm just so grateful for the Priesthood and for what happened last week, and I feel so fortunate to have her still here.

A week after being admitted to the hospital, she was finally able to leave the ICU today which was a great feeling. I'm so glad to know she is out of the woods. Apparently, her colon was leaking from the surgery she had when they removed her cancer, so this infection has been building up in her body for close to 6 months now. She is truly a strong woman and I admire her faith and strength through everything that has happened to her. And while I have NO desire to see her (or Alan or my parents, for that matter) go through that again, I am grateful it happened so that my faith could be strengthened. We truly are blessed to be members of this Church. -Ash